The Disease

"Lisa arched her back, her head twisting up to the ceiling, the tendons in her neck like steel cables. Then she screamed, the noise like nothing Brick had heard in his life. It was raw, it was savage, it was hate-filled, and it seemed to go on forever, threatening to bring the walls of the pavilion down. The scream died out with a hideous rattle, flecks of spit popping from her lips. Lisa lowered her head, her eyes so dark they looked black; insect eyes, fixed on Brick with a look of undiluted fury." - The Fury Page 6

To be frank, it is not a literal disease. It is not some supernatural thing changing other people. The Disease is biology, its reality, the universe. Sometimes it affects slowly. People fight off their natures all the time. They push back against what their mind says doesn't make sense. But once they cave to those insticts they find its much easier, less confusing. Its sort of like getting a bad feeling about someone, but more intense. The feeling is inate within people. Pushing away things don't fit into their picture has been something done for centuries to wide demographics. But what happens when it becomes a metaphysical issue? When the issue you have with someone isn't about personality, race, gender, sex? What if the issue is simply that they exist, and that alone is enough to make you hate them?

Thats the Disease..

Youre mind wants to fight against what doesn't make sense, why hate someone for simply being? What reason is there for that? This isn't a matter of 'like or dislike'. Once the object that you've come to hate for no reason is out of the picture, isn't your life better? Things start working out a lot better even when they weren't involved in what was going on. Its as though reality corrects itself now that the thing is gone.

This is the Disease.

For my whole life i've searched into one reason or another, chasing after some sort of answer to make sense of what has been going on with my existence. I've seen so many people have better lives when I remove myself from thier reality. Secluding myself to the small corners of the internet that I can feel comfortable in. Looking for the signs that the Disease is destroying others so that I can leave before things become worse. My last closest friendship was the hardest. Watching it deteriorate them, trying to help push against it as desperately as I could. Yet it reached too high a point, and now after letting them go I can see that once more it was for the better. I've lived under this understanding for so long now.

You cannot hope, or it reminds you there is none for you in this place.

You cannot fight it off, it pulls them apart slower if you do. Deteriorates more detrimentally the closer you are.

You must expect failure so that in the end it doesn't hurt as much as last time.

I have hesitated to document any of this honestly. But this is supposed to be my corner. I have to get it down somewhere. If others who've been affected by the same thing need their answers then maybe I can provide something.

How do you explain something decided by the fabric of reality? I'm no physics major. But after enough testing, watching as hypothisis are proven- After enough 'coincidences' have occured, when does it simply become the fact of reality? That I simply do not belong in this plane? Other realities have been shown to exist, we get closer to those discoveries all the time. So whats to say that someone can be born to the wrong one by a mistake of universal coincidence?

Each night I dream its more vivid then this life that I live. I can touch, feel, taste just as much there as here. Theyre vivid memories instead of fading dreams. I wake exhausted from a second life occuring on an entire world crafted within my own mind. My Elysium from this hell.

But- I'm on a tangent elsewhere, for a different page.